The Fashion Battle: Is It One Worth Fighting?
By Craig von Buseck and Dannah Gresh
She’s from a conservative Christian family — a family that’s been active in your church for as long as you can remember. Not so long ago she was the awkward, lanky sixth grader with big teeth. Now, she is beautiful. No, not beautiful. She is sensual. Every week at church, you feel just a little uncomfortable with what she wears. Every now and then her name comes up in conversation. The question is always the same. “Shouldn’t someone talk to her or her parents about the way she dresses?”
We’re all too aware of the problem. Modesty…or the lack of it…is a hot topic that no one really wants to touch! Most recognize the need to address it, but many are at a loss as to how to do this. At the end of many mental arguments, complacency quietly announces, “It’ll be OK. It’s just fashion.”
The Indianapolis News once wrote, “Those who minimize the correlation between immodesty and sexual promiscuity deceive themselves and others...” Support for such a statement is found in studies that analyze the risk of teen sexual activity. A girl who looks older than she actually is has a greater risk of sexual activity. These girls are made to look older by fashion and make-up, most of which hints at or blatantly advertises her sexuality. There is a strong case to argue that the end result of today’s immodest fashion is sexual promiscuity. An even stronger argument can be made for the spiritual struggle in creates in the minds of godly men and male teens. Christian expert Dr. Mark Laaser estimates that 30% of Christian pastors and leaders are struggling with pornography while other estimates state that over 60% of Christian men overall struggle with continual sexual compulsions of some type. There is no doubt in my mind that today’s fashion feeds these weaknesses.
It’s time for parents and churches to enter into the battle with no reservation. But how? I’ve discovered some powerful ideas that might help you deal with the girls in your own church or home.
1. Help them to understand the extreme visual power immodesty accesses.
The Gestalt Theory is a visual design theory that teaches designers to control a viewer’s eye. They’ve discovered that completing the incomplete intrigues the human brain, so it will always pause to finish an unfinished picture. Check out this trio of circles. What else do you see?
You think you see a triangle, because that’s the most common image that your brain wants to use to complete this.
How does the Gestalt Theory apply to immodesty? What happens when a person of any gender sees a woman walk by wearing a long, tight skirt with a slit all the way up the sides or a low-cut blouse? The viewer pauses or even does a double take because their brain wants to complete the picture. It’s simple visual science. Imagine the powerful multiplication of this principle in the mind of a man who’s been created to crave the beauty of a woman.
2. Explain the special weakness of men for a woman’s beauty.
Proverbs 5:17,18 says, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth, a loving doe a graceful deer. May her breasts satisfy you always. May you be ever intoxicated by her sex.” I changed the italicized words to better reflect the Hebrew meaning of the passage. The God of the universe looks down at woman and actually encourages man to be fully intoxicated by her sexuality.
Wow!
Let me explain to you a little bit of what happens when a guy is “intoxicated.” Many of our bodies’ responses are activated by the autonomic nervous system (ANS). This system is not controlled by the will, but by the environment. Ever been in a fender-bender? Remember that sick feeling in your stomach and the rapid pulse? You felt physically different because of the environmental change. You cannot control these reactions by choice. The ANS forces the body to respond to the environment.
Sexual arousal works the same way. Things in the environment—what we see, what we hear, and what we smell—create sexual response. This is particularly strong in a man since God created him to be visually stimulated. If he sees a woman walk by wearing revealing clothing, what happens in his body? He may notice the change in his pulse, his body temperature will rise and blood begins to pump rapidly through his body. For a man this is very strong reaction and presents clear physical changes. Of course, this is beautiful and celebrated by the God of the universe when the woman who creates the arousal is the man’s wife.
Sadly, the arousal isn’t always created within the marriage union, but can be caused by the simple naive fashion choices of a young woman. While a man can choose how to respond to this arousal, he cannot control that it has occurred.
What does continual exposure to visual stimulants do to a godly man? You might as well hang a noose around the neck of his spiritual life. It’s not “just” fashion, as our often-blatant casual attitude towards dress displays, but a constant source of spiritual failure for men.
3. We must call immodesty what it really is.
According to the Hebrew and Greek definitions, sin is missing God’s intended purpose for our lives. Look back at that verse from Proverbs. God’s purpose for a woman sexually is to “intoxicate” one man with her sensual beauty. A woman or young girl is absolutely worthy of the stares that may come her way, but God says that the unique characteristics of her sensual beauty are to be treasured secrets—secrets to keep for one man. When a girl dresses immodestly, she creates arousal in many men. That is missing the purpose of God’s carefully crafted masterpiece. Is it just fashion? No. Immodesty is sin. And we must call it that.
4. We must develop a righteous response to the crisis immodesty has created.
As parents, youth pastors and church leaders, we can’t remain complacent anymore. Here are a few tips to address the issue in your church. First, waste no time in addressing it within your own home and specifically challenge other parents to do the same. Use Bible studies, parenting groups and small groups to get the message out and provide resources that help parents explain why this issue is important for their girls.
Two, be unashamed of dress standards that you may establish as a church or youth group. Following Christ is costly and we simply water down the relationship we can have with Him when we don’t require those we disciple to pay the price.
Third, address the church and youth groups corporately. Use your credibility to present a concise single focused challenge on the issue of modest from your pulpit.
Finally, when the opportunity arises to talk to a young girl who’s consistently disobeying God in this area be faithful to the nudging of the Spirit. If you do confront her, make sure that you have the right to do so by having been involved in her life previously. And keep it positive. Affirm her beauty and special allure. God created them both and has a purpose for them. Should “someone” talk to her? Yes. Maybe that “someone” should be you.
Dannah Gresh is the author of the newly released Secret Keepers: The Delicate Power of Modesty (Moody Press, July 2002), the first resource to aggressively encourage modesty in today’s teen girls. Her first book, And the Bride Wore White is the basis for a retreat that’s been used in over 2000 churches in multiple countries, reaching over 60,000 teen girls.
